we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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