halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
