Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
