hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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