its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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