On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
