i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
