I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
