Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
