You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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