operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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