all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
