GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
