Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
