something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
