she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
