i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i out mim tonsoeep
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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