you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize