There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
