Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
