Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Randomize
