The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
