Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
