Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
