I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
