Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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