need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
