Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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