If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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