in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
