I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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