OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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