It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
