thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
