Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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