On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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