Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
COCAINE IS GR8
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