I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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