I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
