can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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