so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
