Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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