Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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