i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
