Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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