I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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