do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
