he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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