If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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