He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
