i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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