Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
