My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
