I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
