Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need to sanitize my soul.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
