i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
