god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
