i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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