i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
