fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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