Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
