HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
