he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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