Buhtt sex?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
