I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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