that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
