Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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