She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
