oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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