Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
