This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
