We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
