considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
