can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
