i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
