Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
