its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
