I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
