thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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