Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize