Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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