walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
