Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
