I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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