Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
