hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
