I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
