so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize