he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
