you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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