I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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