I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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