Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
