Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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