So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
