At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
