The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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